happy february everybody. i did the thing i said i was gonna do. i fired myself.

i’ll be honest, this is the only time i’ve ever left a job without having “another job” lined up.  not to say i don’t have big plans, but this is the only time i’ve ever planned to not get a traditional job again.

but blue, have you lost your damn mind? is this some kind of mid life crisis where you desperately cling to delusions of no responsibilities no working make hippie amanda something something?

yes! and no! i don’t know yet!

here’s what i do know. i’m practically 34 years old. i haven’t been without a full time job more than 2 months since 2006. and those moments i didn’t have a job, i felt like my world was collapsing. i remember contemplating suicide not knowing if i was going to be able to make my mortgage or if i was gonna lose all the shit i pawned the previous month to pay my car note.

spoiler alert: i DID lose the shit i pawned AND i lost the house anyway.

but i didn’t die. i just lost material shit i had no business being attached to anyway.

all right so i didn’t kill myself, but does that mean that i can just quit my job and be a hobo without a care in the world?

actually, it does. because what i did figure out is that the more you have, the more you have to lose.

once you begin to shed the expectations others have for you, then your own priorities become front and center.

and then your behavior changes to reflect your own goals.

do you know how many people asked me i was crazy or suicidal because i told them i was throwing away my televisions (plural, mind you) and moving into a van?

people who have aged around me, think they know all about me and what kind of person i am based on who my mother is, those people.

but i soon recognized that these people didn’t actually know anything about me, my motives, what kind of happiness i was trying to create for myself. they only saw what they’d expected of me or have known about me since i was a kid – levelheaded, quiet, intelligent. will probably be a teacher and become mildly successful.

and they’re not wrong. i’m a pretty amazingly intelligent and well-rounded person, and i only get better by the day.

did i also mention i’m humble?

but their definition of success is very narrow. don’t get pregnant, graduate high school by whatever means necessary, and don’t go to jail.

surprisingly, most of us crossed that barrier and then the elders threw up their hands and said, “well, what now? kids? husband?”

sadly for them, i’m a lesbian, so that knocked me down a few notches in the family success handbook.

and now i guess i’m just a lesbian who lives in a van.

but that’s not because of luck. i tried to learn as much about myself, what really drives me as an individual, not what drives everyone else around me.

everybody wants a luxury apartment. everyone wants the nice car or the cool shoes or to live in the center of a bustling nightlife.

but it’s all bullshit. the people selling you this dream are the ones who are profiting off of you.

yes! pay $1600 a month for your studio apartment in downtown. wow, how cool that there is a convenience store on the second floor and you never need to leave the building!

but it’s never gonna be yours. you were tricked into spending half your income on amenities that barely even suit you.

it’s like paying for cable tv knowing you only watch a few stations. you’re just throwing away money.

but i can’t speak for everyone. for some, this luxury apartment makes perfect sense. who am i to tell you you don’t need a rooftop jacuzzi?

i can only speak for myself. i know where my financial responsibilities lie, i know what environment i can thrive in, and where i was working full time was purely toxic.

the money was good. and that was the hugest struggle. even bigger than deciding to live in a vehicle.

even though i know my monthly expenses are less than most people’s (which means i can earn less without stress), but it is still a far drop, at least for now.

so we’ll see how it goes. i’m still working on a productive schedule and trying to work on my other ventures, so i’m hoping if it goes well, i’ll be able to share that with all of you.

i know everyone wants to know how to make location-independent income, and that’s obviously the goal. it is happening, albeit slowly. but once i’m more comfortable with where i am, we can talk more.

but i will say this. even more important than figuring out your niche and monetizing it is learning to discipline yourself.

there’s no such thing as easy work, no set it and forget it. everything is a constant work in progress. so if you think you’re gonna find some shortcut, i’m here to say – you’re not.

unless you marry rich. which was my plan A, but alas, here we are, slumming it up with my dog and a full pee bottle.

anyways, keep holding yourself accountable. i mean it. things only happen for you when you put the gears in motion. once you stop working on that goal you had, it’ll only become more difficult to get it going again, and by then, people will have passed you up.

keep working, keep learning, and let’s set some new goals.

as usual, you can hit me up at blue@hihowareyou.US. i wanna say hi to lori, who emailed me not once, but twice, and reminded me that there are still actual people out there listening.

please subscribe and rate wherever you are. i think i have a facebook group and instagram i never use because i don’t know how the hell to multitask sometimes.

i also have a very very side project ramblinvanradio.com, where i play independent artists i find from all over (aka mostly from bandcamp) with minimal label or press backing.

and i just checked to make sure it’s still active, and it surprisingly is still live.

so if you make music strictly for the love and want to be heard, check me out @ramblinvanradio, ramblin’ with no G. i try to add your submissions as i get them, but sometimes i suck with follow-up.

but now that i ain’t got no job i should have plenty of time to fail at something new!

aight. til next time.

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