episode 11: the art of commitment and getting active

two things i don’t know anything about: commitment and being active.

to shia labeouf, who inspired this episode.

and how nike inspired a cliché but the most real slogan ever.

are you lazy like me? be truthful with yourself.

if so, i got news for you – you’re just gonna have to not.

you’re gonna have to learn that nothing will get you moving if you’re not telling yourself to just do it.

how you feel how you feel how you feel
25 sitting on 25 mil
and by 25 sitting on 25 mil, i mean
35 sitting on an second mortgage and an upside down car payment

nah, im just kidding, it aint that bad.
im not actually that old.

how you doing today.

did you accomplish anything this week?

my debit card information was stolen, if that makes you feel any better about the week you’ve been having.

i had a mini vacation planned out so i was pretty stoked about getting out of town for the weekend, but on my way out, i noticed a charge of a bill and a quarter cleared my bank account from some shitty gas station in pasadena.

for you english speakers out there, that’s a hundred and twenty five bucks. on gas.

so i called my bank, who naturally CANCELLED my card, which left me a little in a bind with my spending money.

but lucky for me i dont keep all my cash in one bank so *chaching*
but that should be another episode.

but yes, i enjoyed myself. it was my first completely solo trip in a good while.

i got a bit of grief from my mother once she realized i was going alone, so i felt a little anxiety and guilt from that, but i was over it by the time i got to kyle.

the pros of taking a trip by your lonesome.
you dont have to worry about someone disrespecting your time.
you have the freedom to explore at your own leisure without being anchored down by some other responsibility.
it’s a good time to be selfish.

the cons
you have no one to leave your keys with while you go swimming.
i spent a good amount of time walking, so it was great for the legs, bad for the toe.

i’ve been practicing being by myself for a few weeks now. i feel like it’s a good exercise in the inevitable.

i can tell my mother is annoyed by it. she comes into my room and i dont really engage her because i’m distracted, and she just TSKS me and walks out in a huff.

but. people leave. people die. even if you have a kid, they can die before you. they can get hit by a car tomorrow afternoon, they might get snatched up by some pervert and sold on the dark web or some shit. people can love you today and hate you tomorrow, which is my next album title, by the way.

so are you prepared for that? being by yourself?

there are people who live alone, die alone all the time. people who most others have pretty much forgotten about because it’s been so long, and by the time you realize it, it’s been ten years since you’ve checked up on this person.

welp, turns out 3 years back they died in their armchair and their body wasn’t discovered for two weeks.

that’s the life of isolation.
fuck, that’s the life i want.

i was at overlook park, grungy as fuck because screw showering, and as i’m staring into the lake from the center of the dam, no one on either side of me for at least a half mile, i’m thinking:

i can just live here.

imagine it.

you wake up around 5:30, drink your black coffee, and take that run across the dam just as the sun comes up every morning.

when you’re done, you walk right to the center, do some yoga, stretch, inhale that lake water.

then you can just blow up a raft and float out in the middle of the lake before it gets too hot.


i literally have dreams about these places.

being close to water. away from most people. away from the noise.

a home near water is a requirement for my future. i don’t care if i have to take my car and live on the beach, i promise i’m gonna make it work.

there was a lot of self-reflection this weekend.

i realized that until i learn not to be so stubborn (cougheventhoughimkindaright), i won’t be able to let go of that baggage and leave it behind completely.

but my stubbornness and dare i say pride comes from dealing with someone who is equally stubborn, so mine persists.

it’s subsiding, but it persists.

but what can i saaaaaay, im a taurus didnt you know im stubborn etc etc

moving on.
we need to be real, guys. we need to talk about getting physical, olivia newton john.

ughhhh i know it’s the worst thing in the world, no one likes exercise.

and you’re probably like me where sometimes you work out, and other times you dont, but mostly you don’t because you’re waiting for some magical inspiration to encourage you, like seeing someone else lose weight. that’s a fast way to get you on a treadmill.

well lemme let you guys in on a little secret.

motivation does not exist.
what do i mean by that? it’s simple.

yes, sometimes you are more inclined to want to do things that you know you have to do, but at the base of it all, there is no intrinsic motivation to do anything. yes, you have extrinsic factors, like deadlines, good grades.

when it comes to anything, you’re just gonna have to remember what shia labeouf once said: just do it.

just do it.

he’s onto something, that shia.

any time you put something off, procrastinate, it’s because you don’t have motivation to do it, EVEN THOUGH you know it would benefit you through x, y, and z.

so why do you finally do things? and how can you teach yourself to be self-motivated if you have no motivation, intrinsic or otherwise?

well, you just fucking do it. and AND you trick yourself into believing that you find this thing enjoyable. you might actually love it. but fake it til you make it.

oh my god i just loooooove running in this humid 99 degree houston weather where there’s no shade and your sweat seeps through your shirt as a perfect outline of your shitty sports bra.

ohhhh its so great.

and actually i did love (or convinced myself i loved) the feeling of my heart about to burst out my chest, the sweat that drenched every inch of me because, besides that natural serotonin burst you get from exercise, that dopamine rush you get as a bonus.

your struggle is your reward.

listen, i never said i was a life coach. on the contrary, i believe i said i expect to fuck up a lot. i’m the opposite of a life coach.

but i’ve learned with anything i’ve ever done that if i just don’t tell myself, “fucking do it already” then it won’t get done, and i’ll continue to have nothing to show for it. no podcast, no growth, no new music, no nothing.

just decide you’re going to do something and do it. no more maybes. no more next weeks. like, right now.

seriously, take out a pen and paper, or make a mental note. think of something you’ve wanted to either begin or complete, something you’ve been putting off for whatever reason. this is the week you start on it.

whatever reason you’ve had to not do this thing, think about how you’re gonna get through it instead of ignoring it. this is gonna be good for you, i promise.

if that thing is getting a little exercise into your life, then we can do this together because i need an accountabilibuddy for this one.

for some motivation, here’s arnold schwarzenegger talking about the feeling he gets when he works out,

now if THAT doesn’t motivate you, isnt that proof alone motivation doesn’t exist?

i’m a weakling. ever since i last got into a fight with my ex, i told myself, “man, i’m never gonna let these spaghetti arms fail me again.”

so i start by lifting weights but i lose interest for weeks, months, and sometimes years.

it was never a priority, strength building.

i’m also pretty ignorant when it comes to exercise in general.

about ten years ago i saw a picture of myself playing pool and i was like …oh.

because up until that point i knew i was a litttle overweight, but i was comfortable and constantly comparing myself to other people.

“well, it can be worse. i can look like that girl.”

which is a really stupid and shortsighted mentality to have.

like, a) who the fuck am i comparing myself to other people to make myself feel better?

and b) i clearly don’t know anything about anything because how does someone elses bad health somehow make my own better?

stupid amanda. get it together.

so my method for losing weight was lots of cardio and restricting my calories, which got my weight down to where i wanted it to be, so i stopped calorie counting and excessive exercise to just let myself maintain, and i’ve fluctuated a bit, but i’m just over where i want to be.

lately, i’ve been noticing that my pants… don’t fit the way they used to?

and by that i mean my thighs and my ass have made my pants a little snug on me.

which is not bad! but i started thinking that maybe i should look into some other form of exercise.

and i’m cheap. i dont wanna spend money on equipment i might not use, so i had to prove my commitment to myself by using the app Seven and adding this as a habit to the other app i already use – productive.

let me tell you why i think you need to download both these apps.

you dont even need any apps, tbh. what you need is to set a reminder and incorporate it into your daily routine.

set a reasonable schedule. something you know you can stick to. my current one is 5:30 am, 8 minutes, monday through friday.

don’t fucking laugh. 8 minutes of high intensity interval training is a) a lot for me right now, and b) just a primer to ease myself into the habit so i don’t get easily discouraged. 8 minutes is just the lube.

so i use the app Seven because it’s a good free app for strength training using your own body and maybe a chair – no weights required.

it’s basically a dozen exercises back to back for about 30 seconds each.

the worst feeling is waking up and thinking “i sure dont want to exercise rn”

the best feeling is hitting the Start button and getting into it because that’s really the hardest part.

i also love swiping it off my list of habits to complete for the day. by 7 am, i’ve gotten my heart rate up, and let meditation bring it back down.

so decide what you’re gonna do. maybe you wanna just start with a walk. you don’t have to do anything crazy.

maybe it’s stretching, yoga, swimming, biking, idc. choose something. and even if you weren’t thinking of it before, go ahead and choose something now, even if it’s simple.

also, being physically inactive can be super harmful guys and probably will kill you.

inactivity leads to high cholesterol which leads to heart disease. there’s obesity, higher risk of colon and breast cancer.


geez, even if you dont wanna do anything, at least use your phone as a pedometer and keep track of your steps. see how many steps you average a day and see if you can beat your own record. continue to challenge yourself.

you have access to all of this information, and you can be analyzing it to better yourself.

you can always push yourself a little more.

i went and bought one of those bluetooth scales that measure your body fat, muscle mass, water, protein, blah blah blah

but i got it so i had a frame of reference, to tell if i was making any progress.

even though i had no baseline, all my numbers were pretty good, at least compared to the other people who used my scale jesus christ

my weights a little on the high side but my muscle mass is like 79.2 lbs, body fat percentage is around 28.5%, which is not bad, but those are the two factors i’m most focused on keeping track of.

i weigh myself daily but im not paying attention to the numbers right now because i’ve only been keeping track for less than two weeks.

they’re not important so long as i know i’m keeping up with my habits.

which okay some days i don’t. i had a little slump at the beginning of the month, but once i got into it, i noticed mondays are just no bueno for me. but so far this month i’ve done it 12 days, which is already twice as much as july where i did 6 days and june that had 2.

two. lousy. days.

so give me a little credit. sometimes its hard to tell myself to just do it at 5:30 in the morning, especially if i didnt sleep well.


i just had an idea.

what if i change my alarm clock to shia labeouf screaming at me to just do it already?

fucking a amanda you’re a genius.

so what have we learned?

motivation is a myth.

scheduling in time to do shit is step one.

just doing it is step two.

being inactive can kill you. this ain’t a joke. if your favorite thing is to lie around and do nothing, i feel you.

one of mine used to be binge watching bullshit on netflix.

but if you absolutely must do it, why not set up the ipad in front of the treadmill? or maybe use a run to listen to a new podcast or book on tape?

book on tape… i think i just showed my age.

listen, sometimes you just have to make sacrifices. like quavo said, why can’t yall recognize that we all came from sacrifice?

most things you accomplish in life dont just happen by accident. sometimes you have to sacrifice time, energy, you have to make choices.

this applies to every part of your life. if you’re short on money for some reason, what are you gonna do?

you’re either going to cut expenses or you’re gonna hustle. but you’re gonna make it work somehow because it needs to be done.

same with pushing yourself to be just a little active.

set some goals and stick to them. hold yourself accountable.

if need be, give yourself some extrinsic motivation. tell yourself, if i commit to x, i get to do y. set an attainable goal and reward yourself.

all right, am i done babying you yet?

i fell off a little bit on my yoga, but i made up for it by doing a two week trial with elevate, one of my favorite ……
admitting my faults and shortcomings out loud because i have to hold myself accountable eventually.

i dont wanna be a broken record stating the same intentions week after week. isnt that why im doing this project?

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.