blue is candid about her drinking problem and gives you some low brow advice on how to stop making an ass of yourself in front of your friends.

all right guys so i think i learned something about myself.

it’s very possible i could be an alcoholic.

and i’ve been saying it out loud for a while now because it sounds like a joke, another one of my shticks.

“hey guys, i’ve decided im an alkie since the last time i saw you. how are the kids?”

but really, it isn’t funny. it has been affecting my life lately, so im telling myself and anyone who happens to stumble upon this that alcohol is no bueno, and im putting a stop to it.

yeah, i know i’ve said this before. i have gone through very long dry spells where i haven’t touched it because the desire wasn’t there.

and lately id gone through month long whiskey binges that literally made me sick, made me cry, made me lose entire blocks of my nights.

but it’s different this time. it’s different because i am used to secluding myself, drinking silently, crying alone, no one to ask questions, “hey are you all right?”

but this time around, i have roommates, people in close proximity to me. this time, i am affecting others besides myself. and its actually really gross.

how do i know im an alcoholic?

well number one im not a doctor, i only have a medical degree i obtained online through some internet college, but i will say…

i took some online test that essentially said there was a “serious level of alcohol abuse”

yes, i hide empty bottles in cabinets and piles of dirty clothes.
yes, i have no limit master p.
yes, i sometimes drink instead of eating.
yes, i have a high tolerance.
yes, i lose parts of my nights despite not passing out.
yes, i ruin relationships with things i do and say while intoxicated.
yes, i often try to quit but always go back to it eventually.

as of the day im writing this, which looks to be the 23rd of april, i havent had a drink in two weeks.

it doesnt seem like a lot to be proud of on the surface, but for me, its two weeks of clarity, better emotional stability and rationality, compared to the month before.

man, alcohol is a beast, and i know it. but in the past, i tried to tout its merits.

it makes me more comfortable or less anxious in social settings.
low doses make me more creative musically.

i guess thats really it.

but lately, i hadnt been drinking in a way to induce any form of creativity, but more as a way to stifle whatever i was feeling, which at the time, wasnt anything good at all.

when i drank, i cried. i hurt. a few times i wanted to die. a couple of times i drank enough to try to.

but what good did it do? my stomach hurt. i felt like shit every day. sure, i could still be at work at 7am, but that actually worried me the most, the idea i could drink so much, puke it out, and hardly miss a beat. i didnt want to be functional. but i didnt wanna be sober either.

so alcohol is both a depressant and a stimulant, right? when you drink alcohol, it acts on your brain’s GABA, an inhibitory
neurotransmitter responsible for regulating excitability in the nervous system.

benzodiazapines like xanax and klonopin work at reducing anxiety by reuptaking gaba, resulting in a sedative effect, which is probably why it appeals the most to me.

so when you mix alcohol and benzos, your central nervous system, including your heart and respiratory system, can basically slow to a crawl, which can be incredibly dangerous.

but many of us already know that about alcohol. besides that, it’s also a stimulant, increasing the release of dopamine, making us less inhibited, more likely to do dumb shit we normally wouldnt do, which in the long term, could affect people around you. too much self-indulgence and pleasure principle and hedonism under the unfluence of alcohol can have… bad side effects.

our friends are more forgiving of us when weve gotten drunk and acted a fool once versus doing it every night. no one wants to babysit you when you clearly have an alcohol problem.

so going back to the title of this episode, how do we curb our drinking?

notice i didnt say quit drinking. i would be the last person in the world to advise you how to do that.

but if you truly believe you may have a drinking problem, then you first need to find a reason within yourself to want to stop.

you may have had people in the past urge you to slow down, but until you want to do it on your own, it isn’t going to happen.

you dont stop drinking for other people without first quitting because you recognize how it is affecting you personally.

maybe youve been drinking so long you dont think its actually capable of hurting you. maybe you dont yet see the effects its having on you.

yet here you are.

be truthful with yourself. are you still listening to this because maybe there’s a small part of you looking for a good reason to slow down?

look, it’s hard. when your mind is addicted to alcohol, it’s a struggle to not think about it. but there are a few lifestyle changes you can make to push alcohol into the very very background of your life.

remove triggers

number one, you have to remove triggers from your life.

stress is probably one of the bigger ones. and stress is hard to avoid.

but you can change the way you handle stressful situations that don’t result in you picking up alcohol.

do you have friends who drink a lot? you may need to pick new friends. or at least choose how you engage with those friends.

if you dont have people around you who support your sobriety, you’ll continue to make excuses as to why it’s okay, even though there are a million telling you why it’s not okay.

meditation

if youve made it this far and have never tried mindful meditation, maybe its time to change the way your mind views your present.

take some time out of your life to learn how to be present in any given moment instead of being bogged down by negative thoughts.

learn to be grateful for what you have instead of angry about what you dont have.

picking up a coloring book works just as well. when you are focused on your picture, just as when you get to sit alone with yourself, your mind is allowed to be free, your thoughts uninterrupted.

but the goal is the same – pulling your attention away from unwanted, lingering negative thoughts and feelings, not allowing them to manifest into your reality. its your decision.

episode 7, if youre really interested in my own method. but mindfulness practice is necessary to keep those bad thoughts, those urges from creeping in.

changing your diet

everything you put into your body directly affects your physical and mental health. literally everything.

if you eat like shit, you’ll feel like shit. your energy levels will be low. your mood will be negatively affected.

and if you’re overindulging in alcohol already, it’s likely your diet is already poor.

so first make good nutrition decisions. just because you’re already drinking alcohol doesn’t mean you have to keep hitting up whataburger every breakfast and lunch.

when you drink alcohol and eat like shit, you are likely deficient in some key vitamins and nutrients.

for example, alcohol kills your vitamin b levels, like thiamine, folate, b12. lack of b1 could lead to beriberi.

whats beriberi, you ask.
oh, you know, just a thiamine deficiency that begins with weakness and fatigue and ends in cardiac failure and neuropathy.

do you want nervous system problems? im being real with you, do you want your heart to go out of whack? do you want numb fingertips and an emotionally unsound mind?

and if you think that mixing your alcohol with diet soda is somehow “safer” or “better” for your body, think again.

in my show notes, im going to link you to a study that shows alcoholic beverages mixed with diet soda results in a higher BAC level than those mixed with a sugary drink.

turns out the sugar actually slows down the absorption of alcohol, but now it sounds like im encouraging you to just mix with sugary drinks.

but really the bottom line is…

just stop drinking.

like just dont do it.
it’s poison. actual poison. do you think its somehow better for you than a cigarette?

be real right now, you don’t need me to tell you that alcohol is bad for you.

find some fucking hobbies. discover joy in your passions, in the people who surround you.

you probably spend all day complaining about what you dont have, feeling sorry for yourself, but thats why you drink, isnt it? you’re just feeding the part of you that wants to sit in your own pain.

so thats what im discovering about myself. the drinking is just an ugly cycle of self-pity. when you think you deserve bad shit, you treat yourself badly. and is that going to help you grow? nah, not really. die maybe. but no such thing as growth when youre stunted.

so stop believing everything you think. you’re worthy. you deserve to be healthy. these choices are in your control.

you can choose to make good decisions just as easily as you choose bad ones. the reasons are different when you make good decisions. theyre out of self-love.

stop being a 14 year old girl with a hawthorne heights t-shirt. and btw if you take offense to that i will only apologize if you send me a photo of you wearing a hawthorne heights t-shirt.

okay im done with myself. i dont wanna talk about my alcoholism anymore, and i hope this is the last time i ever have to address myself this way.

if youre drinking and listening to this podcast, youre doing it wrong. you cant help yourself grow if youre drinking all the time.