episode 23: in 2019, i'm looking forward to...

new year, new you, and a dozen more cliches we’re sick of repeating.

special thanks to a sundae drive and superrobotparty for use of their tracks.

what’s in the cards for you in 2019? let’s do a little pre-flection to start the year off right.



“Digital Feeling” off their album “mechanical heart digital soul


“Hall of Fame” off their album Versailles

happy new year everybody.

2018 blasted by, am i right?

i only managed to upload 10 episodes in this span, where 2017 at least saw 13 episodes, so that is disappointing, but i continue to get messages from you guys reminding me that i do have some listeners out there, so first of all, thank you to anyone listening to this.

although this project is primarily for me, i hope it serves as… idk, supplemental material for your own life, what not to do, or maybe, on a good day, what may work for you.

so today, i think we should think about what we’re looking forward to in 2019.

none of this “new year, new me” bullshit that lasts until the beginning of february.

let’s talk about lasting change, and how you plan to get there.

but before that, do you mind hitting pause for a hot sec while you go over to itunes and leave a rating? it helps other people find this thing, and if you find it useful, maybe someone else will too.

so let’s begin.

im gonna let you guys in on a little secret.

but i hesitate because i feel like i’m jinxing it. so i guess i’ll preface by saying, this is something i really wanna do. nothing is for certain, but i’ve been taking the steps to make it happen. whether or not it does? we’ll see.

all right drumroll.

okay too much drumroll. it’s not even that big a deal.

i’ve already gotten rid of my car, and when my lease is up, i plan to live full time in either a converted van, or a class b rv.

i have a list of requirements, so i’m still looking around. I have a little more than 2 months before my lease is up, so time is ticking, but i don’t wanna rush into a decision i’m not happy with.

so the plan is, if that becomes the thing i do, then i would be the lady who lives in an apartment on wheels.

i’m sacrificing a lot in order to take saving money and paying off my debt seriously. i need this.

i’m gonna have to adjust to living with much less material shit, the way i live and sleep and eat and shower is gonna change.

how i spend my time, whether or not i’ll be safe at night. honestly, thinking about being safe gives me the most anxiety. it kinda freaks me out thinking of someone trying to break into my van while i’m sleeping in it. do i get a gun? mount loud ambulance sirens and bright ass flood lights that i can trigger if someone is trying to get in?

but it’ll be all right. i try not to spend too much time thinking about that and instead on how i’m gonna be self-sufficient in a totally different way i’ve ever been.

life is going to change drastically. and i’m doing my best to prepare for it.

to sum it up. looking forward to my new van life, paying off my debt, saving some money. some financial benefits.

regarding other areas of my life. i’m looking forward to simplifying my day to day.

without a roommate, i’ll be without regular social interaction, which honestly, i need right now.

i need to schedule my free time in a more productive way, hopefully i can get more podcasts out, start making videos, i might even finish this album i’ve been working on since 2015.

maybe i will take my health more seriously, learn to eat better, be more active. living in a van might discourage me from wanting to spend all my time in a van.

or i might learn i love it. i really don’t know what 2019 is gonna be like until i live through it.

but whatever you decide to do this year, make sure it’s gonna make you happy.

you may have a lot of naysayers. you may have some people who try to shit on your plans, ask you whyyyyyyy? are you craaaaazy? in a van? lololol.

just remember that these naysayers are probably just salty that they’re not capable of making sacrifices to get where they should be. or maybe they’re just content in their shitty boring cookie cutter lives, but whatever you do, don’t let them get to you.

if you make a decision, its probably because you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, planning it out. and if your naysayers had to think about it, they wouldn’t even know where to start.

don’t let others tell you how to spend your money, live your life, and handle your business, unless you specifically ask them. and even then, take it with a grain of salt.

maybe i’m giving you a lot of credit, but i believe in you and your ability to make decisions.

it’s cool to ask for advice. it’s okay to not know what the next step is, but if someone is discouraging and negative about your intentions, you don’t need to give them the benefit of an opinion.

so… looking forward to the van. looking forward to getting back into shape both physically and mentally. hopefully, i can spend some time traveling in 2019. reset myself. 

maybe my current roommate can get me back into yoga. that would be refreshing since i’ve been feeling like poppin fresh lately.

just dont ask me about my dating life. it is in shambles, especially right now while i’m being selfish and also goddamn wouldnt you know it, i am actually quite shallow.

in the process of my emotional transformation, i’ve realized i dont have time for ugly people.

now i dont just mean physically ugly, just ugly people in general.

my patience for negativity, for ignorance, and for shortsightedness is minimal.

i barely have the patience for me, so unless you are bringing something substantial to the table, then i honestly don’t have the time for you.

me ten years ago would definitely have fallen for the bullshit.

but me today, i got no time for people with no ambition and low ball goals, or just shitty perspectives in general.

bring something to the table, or bring a wad of cash because that’s the only way you’re getting time from me. this applies to anybody. family, friends, honestly, even my infrequent hookups.

sometimes you have to remind yourself what is more important, your sanity, or getting laid.

don’t get lust and respect confused. it’s difficult to tell the difference sometimes, especially if you’re like me – oblivious.

so that’s definitely something i’m looking forward to, all the people i no longer have to acknowledge because of how far removed we are.

remember that you can’t force people to be where you are. everyone has their own path. don’t be bitter and angry about it like i sometimes am. things will work out in the end.

speaking of the end.

before you leave, you should try leaving us a 5 star review on itunes. it may also help to like us on facebook, you can add me on my personal instagram @blueaesthetics, and you can send me an email @ blue@hihowareyou.us

never stop growing, learning, and loving. remind yourself what makes you happy and strive to hit your peak every single day.

and hopefully i’ll be back sooner rather than later to check up on all of you.

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